Tuesday, May 16

it's been awhile...

I knew it would be a crazy 2 months...now that birthdays are over, garden is upgraded, misc To-dos are accomplished, I'm finally getting back to this.

I was never very good at diary-type things. I've always found it difficult to put down more than just activities and skin-deep. I read a friend's blog today, and she talked of mediation, and healing, and bad decisions turned good. I could write about that stuff, but I think I have a mental block to the worst of my past. I find that when I look back, there is a rosy curtain over it. I suppose its my way of allowing myself to move on. My own strange healing.

Anyway - I just don't want to wallow in my own percieved misery, like I know some do. I read some blogs online, and just want to say "get off the damn couch and go live your life." So many people let others live for them. I feel like that happened to me once, and from happenstance, now I'm in a kind of rut. A pleasant, loving, wonderful rut. But leaving it for wide open pastures and adventure just can't happen right now. I have too much lovely at stake. I know my other half agrees. The problem is, neither of us really knows how to break out. How to leave the Midwest and head for places abroad. With a youngster, I feel I have to be a certain kind of person/parent. Maybe we'll find a happy medium as she grows older. All we can do right now is live as much as we can in the direction of the "other" we yearn for.

btw - I'm seriously annoyed at McCain. This whole immigration/National Guard thing just makes me ill. And he's right along with the Bush crowd. Ugh.

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