Just FweetieB

I won a Nook - now in COLOR!

2011-02-06T10:44:00.001-06:00

I am way behind in my blog reading. I blame work. And kids. And cleaning. And ALL those books I'm trying to read.

Which I am now going to try reading on the NookColor I won!

(Courtesy of Rita at Surrender, Dorothy Reviews and Barnes & Noble. You rock!)

I'll be using it for the first time tomorrow - finally heading to Michigan for work. In winter. Surrounded by record-breaking snow falls. Lovely.
Good thing I'll have the Nook to keep me warm.

Open letter to Stephen King

2010-05-20T22:37:00.003-05:00

It's not you; it's me.

Really...I hate to let you go, after all, you were my first author-love. At age 13 I picked up Nightmares and Dreamscapes and I was hooked. You drew me into a completely new world. A dangerous one that I hid from my parents. My first "secrets."

As soon as I had the money, I began collecting your books (and I'm embarrassed to say, stealing the older ones in paperback from the library). Over the years I was obsessed with reading everything your pen put to paper. My friends gave me crap about my single-mindedness, but I knew you and I were connected. We had something special they just didn't understand.

As in all relationships, we had our ups and downs -- you had some greats (The Stand, The Dead Zone, Hearts in Atlantis) and some serious stinkers (Insomnia, Regulators/Desperation). I didn't let it bother me - I knew that everyone has their faults, and I forgave you.

I saw you once in person when I was in college - you drove your Harley onto the stage and I knew what it was to get hot for someone I admired and respected. You did not disappoint. Totally the highlight of my Freshman year. I'll never forget that moment.

This is so hard for me to say, but we've grown apart. I'm sure you've noticed it too - how could you not? I've gotten older, found more interests. I've come to realize that death is no laughing matter and we're all too close to it as it is; I just don't want to read about gratuitous violence, no matter how creative and slightly amusing. I no longer carry a vision of my own immortality. I know death can be ugly. I don't need the adjectives from you to draw the pictures for me.

We just don't have anything in common! I thought I'd give it one last try and I picked up "Under the Dome." I tried to read it, I swear. I really, really did! But I have to confess, I only made it to into the 70s...I even scanned ahead, hoping to get drawn back in...and I was so disappointed when all I saw was more of the same. (Misunderstood, outsider hero. Large, mean, stupid bad guy, who I assume later is discovered to be just the little bad guy and there is a much worse one in the plot. Oodles of blood...you know. The usual.)

I'm sorry, but I just can't do it anymore. I need authors with more meat in their stories than just appendages being cleaved off. I need more emotion than fear, hate and loathing. When you write well, it's a dream come true. I miss the feelings you gave me when I first picked up "Nightmares." Maybe it's not fair of me to put that on you, but it's for the best that I move on.

I packed up your things. What I didn't sell or donate, I left in a box in my basement. Feel free to come pick them up.

Just call first.

"Gone off blogging"

2010-04-18T00:54:00.002-05:00

So I logged in to my blogger account today, and saw a comment from a few weeks back...someone sent me well wishes in my real life since "you've gone off blogging" and I thought, Damn, I HAVE gone off blogging. I'm a tweeter now, and I put up a daily Facebook comment. I try to not be particularly trite, which is why this blog is so hellishly outdated. I've been feeling trite lately.

I'm enjoying reading my friends' blogs, which are much more interesting than I thought possible (sorry). But really, the biggest thing lately is that life is busy, I'm traveling or have dinner mtngs for work several times a month, when I'm hom ein the evenings I want to be HOME and not in computer-land. Plus, Chee is on the home computer a LOT in the evenings, which means my time here is limited. (I'm hoping to add a laptop to our little family soon.) Basically, I have all the excuses in the world to not write in this little diary to the Internets.

I feel I'm at a fork in the road...this blog lacks focus. If I could reign it in and concentrate on one thing (work? family? books? news I find interesting? link sharing?) maybe I could keep it better updated.

But really, let me just think on that one.

a new year lurks...

2009-12-29T21:56:00.004-06:00

Life has been getting the best of me.

I should be cleaning. Doing laundry. Picking up the new toys/clothes/books. But where am I? Lost in the Internets. My dear Chee is down with a temporary injury, my girls are sleeping soundly, and I've had more than enough time to play with my big gift of the holidays, a Motorola Droid (which is totally a kick-ass cousin to the iPhone). And I'm in the office, accomplishing nothing. SO, on that note, a quick, guilt-free post...

What has 2009 brought us? Chee's near completion of the next great American novel; the decision that our fine city isn't the pit I used to think it was and we'll stay for awhile, thanks; the belief that I am getting old (and wrinkly) and if I don't take better care of me, I'm seriously screwed; our house is much too small, and purging is no longer the answer; jobs is jobs is jobs - I'm glad to have mine, but dream of better; we're so thankful for our families, friends and those who are both, that I could just cry; and two smart, sassy little girls is exactly what we needed to complete our family .

'Nuff said.

Facebook deep thoughts...

2009-09-22T21:22:00.003-05:00

what an oxymoron...I have become a lurker. I watch. And I read. I rarely post. Why, you may ask? I've come to the conclusion that there are few things I would say that would not annoy me, if I were on the receiving end. No one cares about my overnight business trips, or what I'm having for dinner. Close friends/family would like to hear about my girls' escapades, and when I'm planning on going back the boonies to visit the fam. But really, my life is pretty much the same, all the time.

Maybe I'm just sick of Facebook. I count on the same few people for entertaining statuses, or links. I love to hear news like engagements, visits abroad and new family members. But truth be told, I'm "hiding" more people's comments than viewing them. "For shame!" you may say, "why did you bother to 'friend' them in the first place?"

Answer - i thought i might be surprised and find out i know lots of really interesting people with much cooler lives than mine. And if i'm really truthful with myself, i do know some great, nice people. some have very happy lives and they want to share the minutae with the masses. I used to be in that group. Lately, i've decided to move on. i only read the interesting ones. no more reading about other people's trips to the park with their kids....again.

But if you're K.C. (who takes fabulous trips to CO and writes religiously on her blog), or J&K, (who have a new baby I'm dying to meet), or Kathleen (who has hella interesting opinions on everything from the environment to Gallic badasses like her hubbie), or Steve (who I used to work with and is HI-larious), or Adam (my dear ex-roomie who has gone from drama 24x7 to settled and happy as heck), I'm ALL ears.

Basically, if you know you've got something interesting going on, I'm still tuning in. Not that you really care either, but it was on my mind.

Big Kindergartener

2009-08-16T21:49:00.002-05:00

I've been seeing many posts on kids starting school. I can't really dread Monkee going to school - she's been in daycare since she was an itty bitty. I am nervous for her, though. New school. New faces. She may or may not have anyone in her class she knows. And she'll be dealing with all that, plus a new language. Immersion schools are like that; they immerse in the language of choice.

Once she learns an additional language, it should be easier for her to learn others, should she feel the need to do so. And in this ever-shrinking world, can we afford to have kids who speak one language? Sure, English-speakers are almost everywhere, but how can anyone really get a feel for a culture not your own unless you attempt to learn the language?

I'm monolingual. And hate it. I want to give my daughter the world. What better way than to open up other cultures to her? Plus, the teachers at this school are international. What a great way to teach her about all the places she hasn't been - yet.

This first step to the big K is just the first new place to go. I'm so excited for her.

toddlers or trainwrecks?

2009-08-05T21:52:00.005-05:00

I started typing up a story about winning a massage. But that's about it - I won a massage.

So while I sit here, mentally preparing to get some real work done, I watched Toddlers&Tiaras.I think I'm past offended. I am, however, concerned that we (especially in the South, where these things always seem to go down) are raising a generation of bimbos.

For every girl on these shows who looks to be sincerely enjoying the flaunting and primping, there are 5 who are crying because they hate makeup, would rather be playing, have a wig that hurts, or glitter in their eyes. The moms say "they love it." In most cases, the kids do not look like they love it, at all. And that's what keeps us watching those damn shows...the clash between what we see and what we hear.

Ridiculous. The moms they highlight are almost always severely overweight, and I know I'm stereotyping, but I can't help but think they are the epitome of living through your children, forcing them to do something they never could.

I just hope those little kids are given time away from the fakery to get muddy, go to museums, read books and ride bikes. I hope their lives have many more dimensions to them than what we're shown.

I find it sad that so many moms think validation by crowning is necessary, in any form. How many of those girls might have grown up to be scientists? Or something that has nothing to do with how they look? I can only hope they see the light as they get older and realize fluff and glitter can only get you so far...then you're paying for plastic boobs and botox.

My girls are smart. And beautiful. They'll figure it out without pagentry.

Travelling man...

2009-07-23T21:40:00.002-05:00

or WOman, as the case is.

I went on my first business trip this week. It was fine.

It was to LA. I stayed at a fancy hotel. Ate fancy food on the rooftop of a fancy club. Slept in a big, fancy bed, all to myself. Saw lots of super-fancy cars and people who thought they were fancy (store-bought boobs do NOT a person of class make).

And I missed my messy little family. And my cluttered little house. And a crowded bed at 6am. And my very, very not fancy car.

It was an overnight trip - technically, around 36 hours. Lord - if I ever have to leave for a week I'll be a basket-case.

Social Media Stagnation

2009-07-09T22:32:00.003-05:00

I'm trying really hard to stay enthused about Social Media.

To me, now that my job doesn't technically require me to keep up on it all, that means logging into Twitter a few times a week, reading a few blogs (work and non) weekly, checking in on Facebook every 4 days or so, and making sure my LinkedIn account is still living.

I must have jumped in on it all at a good time, but frankly, I'm just hella burned out. I know all the rules ('if you use it right, it can do wonders for you!'), but they just seem like a drain on my oh-so-precious time. Blogging included. I'm forcing this post (can you tell?) and allotting all of 15 min. I was up for several hours last night with Little. My lack of REM sleep is dragging my already dragging butt even lower.

So I've decided to use my time more wisely and with less stress. Blog when I feel like it, no underlying guilt (it certainly hasn't been working thus far). Facebook as necessary (and is it ever REALLY necessary?), and Twittering when I actually have something to say. I plan on sticking to sponging up what other people are writing, saving noteworthy pieces to my delicious account, and living in the real world for awhile.

Remember that place?

RIP

2009-06-09T21:21:00.005-05:00

a sunny lawn spot

she was a good dog back then

rest in peace Gracie

*sigh and sniff*

We got her at five years old, already mildly damaged, but such a good, loyal dogster. Obedient, loving, lick-ist. Let the kid pull her ears and sit on her. Loved us. And we loved her back. She was one of us...We had her for seven years.

We kept her as long as we could. Hearing got bad. Then worse. Thunder, heck, even sprinkles of rain, made her crazy. She bit the kid in the face (4 stitches), became aggressive with adults, chewed chunks of wood from the kitchen and office doors (while on doggie-prozac) during rain storms. We tried medication, and separation from the youngsters. We thought "farm dog" - we'll just keep her outside. But then she gouged huge pieces of siding off the garage (again, while on a mild sedative which didn't work), throwing up wood pulp and chunks of her own stomach. She escaped from the yard time and again, hurting herself in the process... miserable and unable to be part of the family.

It was just time. But damn, I miss her.

RIP - we'll remember the good times, sweet ol' dog. Enjoy the sunny spots.

Crawlin' Fool

2009-05-04T22:57:00.006-05:00

For you aunties and g-mas....
List of recent baby accomplishments:

7 months old last week and crawling after the cat

pulling herself up and standing in her crib

sitting like a champ

trying (unsuccessfully) to hurl herself out of the arms of whoever is holding her

4 teeth

eating solids

feeding herself "puffs"

holding her own bottle

trying out a sippy cup

lifting arms to be picked up

yelling after mommy when she leaves the room (which just breaks my heart)

*sigh* She's not supposed to be doing all this yet. I'm not ready.

Work, Life and the Balance

2009-05-04T22:40:00.002-05:00

Just imagine, after suffering through daily hell (I'd say more, but legally, i can't)...I am in heaven.

I am now in a place where you're allowed basic schedule flexibility. Where everyone respects one another's skills and there are no staff meeting "call-outs' meant to demean (and demoralize in the process). Where people are treated like professionals. Where collaboration is vital. Where it really IS about the client. And where respect for one another is absolutely key.

People, it's all up from here.

What do you send to Camp Victory?

2009-04-27T09:53:00.007-05:00

If you had a friend in Iraq, in the Red Zone at Camp Victory, what would you send?

He said since it's like a small city there, he doesn't need anything. I don't buy it. I don't want him to miss home more...so sentimental crap is out. He is a huge reader and movie watcher. Movies he has in abundance. Books, I know he has access to (just not sure how).

He has a very wry and offbeat sense of humor...a former teacher and IT geek, he's simply one of the best guys our family knows, and Chee has known him forever. (If we could only find him a nice single girl...)

Any ideas?

*Mikey - if you're reading this, and you better be, comment and let me know what to pack up for you!

We miss you terribly. Monkee says thanks for the Camel. She has yet to name him, but took him to school today to show off. I'll send a pic soon.

In the meantime, these carrots are for you...

When all you can do is bitch about everything...

2009-04-18T19:43:00.003-05:00

(...and for you gestapo-types, I am not talking about anything work-related.) I'm talking about a frustrated 6-month old. All she wants to do is crawl, walk, run, already! Oh, and feed herself with a spoon (she has her pincher-grasp down already), turn on faucets, open cabinets, wash her own feet, be like her sister! etc... But what she can mainly do is tell everyone how annoyed she is by her lack of mobility - rolling is just not doing it for her.

Poor baby. I feel for her. But at this rate, that child is going to be crawling by 7-months and walking by 10 (or earlier). In the meantime, our household has learned to tell the difference between "I'm hungry","I'm sleepy", and "I'm pissed off because I can't do what I want, when I want!" Along with this goes the ever-present, "carry me, carry me, carry me", which is always a favorite. And her pick-me-up arms are coming along nicely.

In the meantime, Monkee is not complaining about her sister's squawks (thank god), and has turned my old Scientific Calculator (Texas Instruments) into a walkie-talkie. Only calls out and ordering invisible friends around, people and animals.
"Michael Catlink, Michael Catlink, you're on the move...your cat bath is ready." "John Lenzo, you're on the move - time for play gym." "Maddie, Maddie, John Lenzo needs you." "John Stewart, time for play gym." (you think she'd heard us talking about The Daily Show?)
"John Dorfin, Joh Dorfin, are you there? John Dorfin is not here, move him off the list."

I am loving listening to this. It reminds me so much of that Blackberry Curve commercial (which I always think is a FedEx ad). Poor Callahan. In our case here, poor John Dorfin - whoever he is, he didn't make her "list". Welcome to Saturday night at our house.

Moving on...

2009-04-16T19:57:00.003-05:00

So lots of news...lost a job, but looking like I'll be gaining a much better one soon.

Today I completely enjoyed a quiet day without hurry, or anything else detrimental to my good mood. Checked facebook, ran errands, did a bit of laundry. Picked up Monkee from school and got ice cream. Went home and took both kids for a walk. Pretty much perfect. And did I mention, no hurrying? Ah yes, that. No phone calls or email waiting for me at home. Bliss.

So, on with my adventures. I have several interviews set up...the main one I'm planning for is tomorrow - it's the last of several, so here's hoping it goes uber-well. Also meeting with recruiters, and have another interesting interview opp. later this month. That's IF this meeting tomorrow doesn't run like it should. So we'll see.

I just feel blessed to have the meetings I've had -- the same week one door closed (with so much finality it made my ears ring), another, prettier door with bright, shiny, stable hinges has swung open wide. Ah, progress.

On other fronts, Little is 6 1/2 months, trying to crawl like crazy, grabbing everything within her reach and eating her first solids with her three little teeth. So big already - makes me want to cry. Monkee is still an excellent big sis - we try to give her individual attention on a regular basis. She's a smart one...she is always a step ahead of us, so we're good. She turns 5 in May. Agh. Now that seems crazy. Seeing Little with all Monkee's old toys reminds us daily of when Monkee was a wee one. She loves stories of "when she was a baby." Not much jealousy - she's just resigned to having to share her space and us.

We've decided to switch her school, again. Poor kid. We're just not happy with the place she is now...every school has its issues, it has just come down to what issues we, as parents, have some control over. So we're moving her again. It took months to get her used to the new school. I'm dreading the change, but its what's best.

Cross your fingers and toes for me - I need to get the job thing settled.
In the meantime, here's hoping for more sunny days I can spend outside with the kiddlings.

We have a winner!

2009-03-24T21:34:00.001-05:00

I asked my darling daughter (the one old enough to talk) to pick a number between one and three. She picked....one. Adam, the tickets are yours.

I'll leave your name at will call and will email you the details.

Thanks for playing!

Disney on Ice - ticket GIVEAWAY

2009-03-14T07:54:00.004-05:00

Can you believe it? I have an actual, bona-fide giveaway!

I have a family 4-pack of tickets for the Kansas City Disney on Ice event - Mickey & Minnie's Magical Journey.

The tickets will only be good for the first two nights of the show (April 1st and 2nd). Show is at Kemper Arena at 7pm.

If you win, the tickets will be placed at will call by the company providing them for the giveaway.

All you need to do, is comment. I'll randomly choose a winner.

ps - contest open until the 21st (next Saturday).

Ok, you can hate me now...

2009-02-25T21:38:00.005-06:00

I had my dear Chee drag up the "pre-pregnancy pants" tub from the basement last night. And joy of all joys, I can fit into the majority of those things.

My dear friend Rita lent me several pair of jeans I have been dutifully wearing ever since prego pants sagged on me. When those jeans started to sag, I had a nightmarish vision of having to come up with the cash to buy new britches. Then, my post-pregnancy, sleep-deprived brain remembered - the "tubs in the basement." Where all pre-preggers clothes supposedly went to die. I just knew I'd never fit into my "pre" clothes. After all, everyone says that after the second, their bodies never went back.

Here's the kicker - I haven't worked out once and I eat everything I get my hands on. And I'm still back into the pre pants, and Little is only 5 months old this weekend.

I know breastfeeding is a big part of the equation. I'm sure that once I stop, if I keep eating like I am now, the preggers pants may have to make a comeback. Ugh.

But I am here to tell you, internets - my genetics are freakin' awesome. (Thanks, mom.)

So when you see me in my "skinny" jeans, feel free to hate me. And my genes.

Exhaustion reigns

2009-02-11T22:10:00.002-06:00

Have you ever been so tired that you look at spilled water (or juice or milk) on the floor and catch yourself thinking "it can wait until morning?"

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I have done this more than once the last several weeks. Little is still not sleeping through the night - she can get a good 5 hours in. She's so tired when she gets home from school (way too much stimulation) that she sleeps from 6:30 or so until 11. I take her up to bed, and she wakes up for food. Then sleeps until 3-ish, then until 6. We're missing that quality cereal-eating time that would (hopefully) fill her up to help her sleep better. I'm not sure how to handle it...i don't want to wake her up to eat (that would so piss her off), but she digs on her cereal...i suppose it's all guesswork right now.

And i'm working a lot. This was my first week of a new, 34 hr-wk schedule. But there is so much going on this week, that I'll be way over (which means, technically, I won't get paid for those hours over 34). I am complaining, but not loudly. I'm thrilled to have a job and be busy. So I'll suck it up - it's not like I'm the only one at my job who is working over my "allotted" hours right now. It's part of the gig.

Once the schedule is really set, I'm hoping I'll have more time to get stuff done around the homestead. This place is a pit (maybe becuase of spilt milk?). I'm about ready to spring clean the shit out of this place. Give me a babysitter and a warm weekend -- the kids and Chee are getting kicked out and I'm throwing out most things that aren't nailed down. I'm tired of walking over and around things constantly. I think just the thought of what I'm not getting done at home is making me more tired...And since there is no new house in sight for us right now, purging is the next best thing. Wish me luck. Garage Sale, anyone?

Pixies with Attitude

2009-02-05T20:04:00.000-06:00

Especially my monkee. Check it, yo!

Searching for a school

2009-02-05T19:50:00.002-06:00

So Little is 4 months now, and her first tooth just came in. I forgot how soggy babies are...not just diaper, but drooly! And I'm pleasantly surprised that I don't mind one bit. Monkee is a little grossed out by it, but doesn't really mind.

We moved Monkee into a new school - Montessori. While i like the teaching method, and her teacher, the asst. teacher is a loud, seemingly worthless lump. Who, i ask you, in a teaching environment (especially Montessori) yells at 4 yr olds? Anyway, Monkee seems to be doing well in the classroom. We're not convinced that she will be there into Kindergarten. We're really just testing the waters. I'm not thrilled with the atmosphere beyond the the classroom. After-care sucks, and the summer program is a little too unknown (meaning no one seems to be able to tell me really what goes on) for our comfort level. We may just take her back to her old Preschool for the summer.

We have two other potential Kindergarten options. One a charter, one a private. Both excellent options and both have things about them that make us uncomfortable. It's incredibly important to make the right decision, since Little will be going wherever her sister goes. And some of our options require the child to be a kindergartener to enroll (no one over the age of 5 can apply).

The drama of trying to find a decent education that won't milk us dry, in a city with a horrible public school system. Such fun.

Just a bit of pressure relief

2008-12-09T22:55:00.005-06:00

I've heard from several friends lately that they are keeping up with me by reading this blog.

So - I suck.

I have been meaning to write once a week, and failed miserably. Instead of kicking myself, I'll just post cute kid pix and be forgiven, right?

*check out the killer double chin - like you could miss it. Chee and I laughed our asses off at this photo. Our little cuties...and i'm sure Little will leave the Winston Churchill stage soon.

Now THIS is how to wear a tutu.

Who says she's a girly girl?

Starting anew

2008-11-15T14:33:00.005-06:00

It's a quiet Saturday - cold enough outside for snow, and it looks like we could get some any minute. We're snug inside - Chee and Monkee crashed for a nap and Little is in her swing, slowly falling asleep. And I should be catching up on my zzzzs as well, but found compelled to write up something. I told myself I start posting again at least once a week.

A crazy few months here, acclimating to having one more human and two less pets around. The baby arrived on Sept. 29. We had planned on inducing, but she came without any needed - four hours and she came hollering into the world. She's a good baby - our main issue is that she feels compelled to cry herself to sleep. Nothing we do helps. She gets tired, and it makes her madder than hell. But at almost 7 weeks, she's looking at us (instead of through us), smiling and "playing." She loves to look at her big sister, who complies by being as silly as possible for entertainment purposes only, of course.

This picture is the first one we took at home of the girls. Note the exhausted mom in the red shirt. That couch was my sanctuary for two weeks before I started feeling like myself again.

I had (and still am having) an episode here and there of post-partum D. Nothing like I did with Monkee, but it lingers. The panic attacks are coming around once or twice a week. Deep breaths, settle myself and stop thinking for a minute and they relax a bit. I hate them and how they make me feel, like nothing in my life is solid. Like everything would just float away if it could and I'm powerless to stop it. But it's getting less. I know it would creep in again once I go back to work, which is coming up more quickly than I thought possible.

I'll have more pictures to post soon. Little's hair is getting thinner - she has that grandpa hair - none on top, but a ring on bottom. And it's dark brown. Her eyes are still a dark blue - they may stay that way. The girls need at least one of my attributes, seeing as they look so much like their daddy. I just tell him that he looks like a Toddler. Makes me feel better.

As for the pet situation - we had to put one of the cats down. She was so ill with GI issues and no medicine or food changes were helping. We had to keep her in the basement. It was no way for her to live, and the GI stuff was just getting worse as she got older.

And we had an incident with the dog and Monkee. Monkee was innocent (I was there when it happened), but suffice it to say that the dog can't be around children. We're looking hard for a new home for the dog (she's basically a great dog and we'd keep her if it weren't for this episode) but aren't succeeding yet. A friend is "fostering" her for a few weeks. We might keep her around in the back through the holiday. I don't know. I just hate the thought of having to put her down after almost 6 years. Makes me sick to my stomach. But not as sick as thinking of what happened to Monkee (who is fine now, but scared of dogs). We have to keep the girls in mind first.

Something that makes me feel better all-around - the state of our presidency. Hallelujah.

Iconic words

2008-11-07T11:35:00.000-06:00

Rumored to be posted in the Obama headquarters are these profound words:

Rosa Sat So Martin Could Walk
Martin Walked So Obama Could Run
Obama Ran So Our Children Can Fly

...and that goes for ALL children.

Morass from the Past

2008-09-22T22:24:00.004-05:00

One week to go, hopefully.

I've been thinking about the past lately. My sister called this weekend - she calls every other day, checking to see if I've popped yet. (I keep telling her she'll be one of the first to know, but she obviously either thinks I'm full of shit, or is just doing it to annoy me). She went to an auction in the vicinity of my hometown (auctions are the main social events out there - everyone goes to see what everyone else is up to and selling. You can tell a lot from what people are getting rid of.) Seems she bought a set of dishes from my high school-Junior-year-summer-boyfriend's mom. Got that?

The mom thought my sis was me...and was corrected. Then my sis heard an earful about how I was so great and her son really screwed up by letting me get away, etc, etc. I have to say, that was pleasant to hear, and to have my baby sis hear. You see, I was that "good" kid - no partying, basically got along with my parents, good grades, varsity athlete, blah blah blah. That summer's boyfriend was an interesting partier that intrigued me (the guys I really enjoyed dating in HS were completely different from me...its what made them worth spending time with - I was rarely bored). He stopped partying that summer because I didn't. His parents freakin' LOVED me. Then school started, and we went back to our respective schools and lives - kept in touch, though. He got involved in some nasty stuff...I was glad to have moved on. Nothing but bad news there; supposedly he's doing fine now. SO...

An old acquaintance (lets call him "H") and friend of said summer b-friend found me through Facebook, which led to me to connecting with a girl I knew well who married a guy in my class. She is a year younger than me, with two kids under seven and she has breast cancer. Her gorgeous, thick hair is gone (for now) and she's heading into some sort of surgery situation, which is still an unknown for her. I can't help but think how I would feel in that situation, and then I can't help but feel so incredibly grateful that I have dodged that bullet so far. And hopefully, dodged it completely.

Having H dig me up also led to a finding a recent pix on his Facebook account of an old flame of mine - quite the epic, that relationship. Seems he lives 3 hours from H. Looks so much like I remember his dad looking that it's scary. Sounds like he's happy...and what better thing to wish on someone from your past whom you bear no grudge against.

All this morass from the past in about 24 hours. I'm so glad to hear the good about those people whom I haven't thought about in years, and so sad to hear of my old friend's illness. There has to be a reason I found out now. Prayers to her and her family.

Progress

2008-09-18T12:21:00.003-05:00

I refuse to apologize for not posting for a month...I'm pregnant and swollen and hot and fat and none of my pregnancy clothes fit right anymore, so there!

2 weeks to go. Only 2, but it feels like forever. I don't have the "belly" photos, but I just might post them soon.

According to the doc, baby "E" is already around 7.5 lbs. Monkee was that at birth. Makes me a little more than squeamish on the whole "vaginal birth" thing. In fact, getting sliced open like a big turkey starts to sound pretty damn good, actually (my sis, who has had multiple C-sections is sure to disagree on that one - but she's never had to push a 8 lb anything out).

I am asked twice a day, at least, if I'm "ready." Technically, we are. Bags are packed, car seat is in, baby bed is ready, breast pump bought (lovin' ebay), grandmas warned to keep their cell phones on and charged, etc...But my personal "ready" is a little shaky. It's been over 4 years since I last had a newborn. I have many fears and doubts about my abilities...although my Monkee girl is an amazing kid, and I know Chee is right beside me, I'm the mom. I've been the one to feel her bubble and kick and grow these last 38 1/2 weeks. And she'll be my last one. I'll never feel the baby bubbles again...so on the one hand, I'm sad to see this pregnancy end. And on the other, see the first line in this post. I'm SO ready to meet little "E." Any day now, baby girl, any day.

Maternity what? And some happy pix.

2008-08-19T23:11:00.007-05:00

I had a sonogram last Friday - baby girl is growing just like she's supposed to be. Already estimated to weigh 5.5 lbs. If she continues to grow like this, she'll be around 8.5 lbs. Hearing that scared me shitless - Monkee was 7.6 and I almost had to get sliced to have her. No way will a bigger baby fit through these hips...c-section, here I come.

Chee and I discussed tonight the money situation once baby girl comes. Especially, how the hell will we pay for our regular bills once I go on short-term disability? I've been putting off even thinking about it. It depresses me. And as tired as I've been, the last thing I want to think about is financial hardship. Ugh and damn. And who the hell termed it short-term disability? It blows my mind that its in the same category as workman's comp...AND the damn forms ask for a date of leave. If you're not planning on scheduling your birth, it's all a guess. I think I'd prefer to pay more taxes and get oh, I don't know, a YEAR off like they do in Italy. So not fair.

So - changing to some happy...I found these pictures and they just made me smile. And I needed that today.

Can't tell they're related...cheeseballs.

Cutest damn dog in the world. I just wanted to steal him away in my purse. Look at that face! And i usually hate little dogs...but Apollo is a rockstar pup.

*sob* I'm just so proud.

Feeling melancholy, I suppose

2008-08-14T11:01:00.002-05:00

I was listening to This American Life and it closed with Elvis Perkins' "While You Were Sleeping." I had to share.

Nearing the end of summer

2008-08-06T14:21:00.004-05:00

You can always tell when summer is coming to a close, from everyone's hectic schedules.

Trying to fit in a simple dinner date is near impossible, even if they don't have school-aged kids. I realized last week that we hadn't been to the zoo yet this summer, even though we have a family pass. We'd gotten sick of the zoo by August this year. So Chee and Monkee forged out into the heat early Saturday morning and came home a few hours later. They both went straight into Napland. There's not much more exhausting than summer humidity. Ugh. I love my AC.

There are other things I'd like to squeeze in, but not only do I have summer ending to be aware of, but there is the small item of a new baby to consider - granted, she's not due until Sept. 30, but there are a few signs point to a possible early arrival (which I am FREAKING OUT about). Of course, it may be more due to the freaking that there are signs at all. Or maybe they're just in my imagination. Whatever. I have too much shit to do in the next 6 weeks. Especially since my waist is basically gone, so bending over to lift anything is out. As is being on my feet for more than an hour, carrying heavy loads of laundry, and going outside when it's over 95 degrees. (Dude, summer just sucks).

So here's to scheduling three and a half weeks out...let's hope I don't have this baby early. That would just thrown my whole damn calendar off.

Obama Stampede

2008-07-28T13:22:00.005-05:00

Saw the Op-Ed in the NYT - "How Obama Became Acting President" today, and just had to share. I have loved reading how Europe is welcoming Obama, especially considering the way we have been treated as pariahs for the last, oh, 7-odd years (wonder why?).

One of my favorite quotes from this article,
"What was most striking about the Obama speech in Berlin was not anything he said so much as the alternative reality it fostered: many American children have never before seen huge crowds turn out abroad to wave American flags instead of burn them."

Ain't it the truth? I see the wind a-changin'. Finally.

Snow in July

2008-07-25T14:14:00.003-05:00

I was driving home yesterday and saw snow falling. Well, not snow exactly, but cotton. From the numerous cottonwood trees surrounding my office neighborhood. It's amazing, you'll be in an area of town with no trees visible in a 10-block radius, and you'll be surrounded by fluttering white. It reminds me of when I was a kid on the farm. We had these monstrous, ancient cottonwood trees. So big that several kids could hide behind one at once and never be seen. Which we did, with the cousins, when we played tag, hide and seek, etc...We were rarely indoors in the summer.

Summer meant having the ground covered with the cotton bolls; we'd pick up as many as we could, just because they felt so nice, tearing them apart to see the little seeds inside. I could never really think of anything to do with them...just seeing how big of a pile we could put together was enough. And they had to be clean. If the cotton looked like a farm truck had run over it, it couldn't be added to the pile. When we rode our bikes around our huge U-shaped driveway (there was a small orchard in the middle), our tires would kick up clouds of white.

Those trees also provided the most luscious shade. There were snippets of sun that peeked through just enough to make patches of the yard hot on our feet, but then we'd just jump back into the security of the shade trees. I used to read under them, leaning up against the trunks. I even took an old pillow out with me, to cushion from the scratchy bark. A breeze would blow by and flutter the pages...I so loved to be outside reading.

It's been years since I visited the old homestead. My parents never sold it, and no one lived there after us. It used to make me sad, thinking of that old place, with toys and some decrepit furniture still scattered inside...I still get melancholy over it, but now I try to envision it as that old house is taking a break from all the craziness it had to endure from the families who lived there through the years. It did its job, did it well, and was more than loved. That old house is taking a well-deserved break, just watching the seasons flow by, deer grazing in the old yard, raccoons living in the roof, birds fluttering through broken windows, landing on the piano keys and scaring themselves silly.

I heard those trees have started falling apart, as old things do. Large branches, feet around, have fallen and crashed through the house's roof...I can imagine it happening, not during a windy, stormy day, but during a hot, still summer afternoon, the splintering sound filling the air, with no one but the birds to hear.

I miss those old trees.

Buy this Book and a Date for your Calendar

2008-07-02T11:09:00.006-05:00

Truly - you won't regret it. Plus, the editor is a friend of mine. Read more about the book on BlogHer.

She'll be signing copies of Sleep is for the Weak at the Kansas City Barnes and Noble on the Plaza on Sept. 4 @ 6pm.

Knowing that crew, there just might be a visit to a local drinking establishment after for many cocktails. I'm just sayin'...

This is SO wrong

2008-06-30T13:14:00.004-05:00

Does this have "extremely unconventional father/daughter relationship" written all over it?

Now, I love Annie Leibovitz...but this photo to me, is just pretty sickening. A little too much sex thrown in...Or is it just me?

Puttin' a little love in your heart...

2008-06-30T12:58:00.003-05:00

And if THIS doesn't make you smile, then you just don't deserve to.

Indiana Who?

2008-06-29T21:16:00.003-05:00

We had a date night this weekend. I've been wanting to see the new Indiana Jones, and that didn't sound reprehensible to Chee, so we had Auntie come over to watch Monkee, and headed out. Good action sequences for the most part with the major exception of the monkeys. Picture it - Amazonian rain forest, hordes of monkeys (picture "Dexter" from "night at the museum"), swinging from vines, aka Tarzan, then, miraculously our mini-hero begins to the do the same. You really have to see it to get the whole view... we thought it was the worst, cheesiest, most horrendous action sequence known to man (or beast). We looked at one another in utter disbelief - more like a Disney movie than a action movie. Really horrible. I was embarrassed for the movie - could barely watch. 'Course, I'm far from feeling sorry for the Lucas/Spielberg mix...i was just expecting SO much more.

So I'm wondering, what did you think of movie? Did the monkey swinging scene disgust you as much as it did us?

I know the trailers at the beginning always show the best parts of a flick, but we really wanted to see several of the films they showed, especially "Hancock". Damn, I love Will Smith.

There was a big crowd for Wall-E -- no doubt Pixar has once again reigned as the dollar winner of the weekend. We usually go to independent films...it never fails that once we go to a "popular' film, we regret it. We just don't leave the theater with anything, and with less in our pocket. It's always nice to come away from a movie with something thought-provoking, or at the very least, a few good scenes we can re-hash later. Not really anything like that in the Indiana movie (with the exception of the age jokes, at least they didn't completely ignore that). And I have always loved the Indiana movies. Maybe they're just too juvenile for my sensibilities?

At least we have the option of several indie theaters close to us. Wouldn't want my brain to start leaking from my ears from watching pop films.

Animal Checkout

2008-06-24T18:14:00.003-05:00

Monkee and I were in the doctor's office today, preparing for her first visit with a new doctor by reading "Pooh Visits the Doctor." In typical Pooh fashion, he misheard Christopher Robin and thought instead of an Annual CHeckup, he was getting an Animal Checkout. To my mind, they seem about the same thing, really.

Although Monkee did a fabulous job - weighed, measured, "bear hug" from the blood pressure cuff, hopped on one foot when asked, and started talking to the dr.a mile a minute, it all went to hell in a handbasket when we had to get her blood drawn. Monkee has a peanut allergy, and hasn't been tested for it in over 2 years, so they had to draw blood.

There is little worse than holding your child while they scream for their momma, because their real momma wouldn't let someone stick a needle in them for their own good. I HATED it.

Then we got ice cream and it was all better.

Fun on a train with Monkee and friend

2008-06-12T21:20:00.004-05:00

Doesn't that sound like a cartoon on Noggin?

And they went fast!

Fruit on a stick

2008-06-12T21:10:00.006-05:00

Talk about the perfect bouquet for a pregnant woman! Thanks, friends. It's gone already.

Monkee helped.

Tattoo no-no

2008-06-11T16:25:00.002-05:00

It has to be summer...on my way home yesterday, driving on Gillham, I saw a guy from the back, walking his dog, with long shorts and no shirt. No big deal, except he had this intense tribal tattoo all over his back. My first thought - pretty cool. My second - Yeowch!

Here's the weird part. On my way to work this morning, saw a guy walking his dog a little past the spot where I saw the other dog-walker. Suspiciously, the same shorts, no shirt. Walking towards me.

SAME guy. And here's the *shudder* part. He had a tattoo on his front - an outline of a wife-beater shirt. Who DOES that?

Happy day to me

2008-06-11T10:55:00.003-05:00

It's only Wednesday, and it's been a stress-filled week. Work is fine, just busy, a good thing. My volunteer gig is draining, though. I love the group, but don't know how much longer I can juggle work, home life, baby-to-come, and volunteer duties. I feel like home is not getting my full attention, and that is so important since Monkee will have to start sharing me in a few months...not to mention my lack of time with Chee. I feel like I'm on the computer all the bloody time, dealing with volunteer stuff.

Oh, and its my birthday. Which has actually been pretty fabulous. Flowers, love letter and choco pie from my sweetie last night - lunch and something else (?) this evening from him. Great 4-layer choco/raspberry cake made by a co-worker, plus something coming in the mail from the Llamas . Monkee made me a very cute card a few days ago and could not wait to give it to me. Several ecards and notes out of the blue from friends. And the yearly birthday song from my dad, who calls every year, first thing in the morning, without fail.

Damn, I'm a lucky woman.

The Girl Effect - change will do us all good

2008-06-10T12:16:00.001-05:00

Dancing in the 'Burbs

2008-06-09T16:44:00.003-05:00

I'll be posting photos later...but suffice it to say, on Saturday evening we saw the most beautimus little red-haired Angel strutting her 4yr old dance skills, on a BIG, scary stage, in front of big kids, parents, grandparents and random drunk people. She was a rock star, and Monkee loved watching her, was completely jealous of the fancy dance costume and now wants to take another dance class.

After, they rode a kiddie train a million times, driven by by a nice old man with two hearing aids and a need for speed...they rode ponies...they skipped, held hands and giggled. It was wonderful.

Best friends are the coolest when you're 4.

Another win for women everywhere

2008-06-05T13:36:00.003-05:00

First Woman to ride to the win at the Belmont Stakes.
Great job, Julie Krone (on Colonial Affair).

Everyone deserves to dream

2008-06-04T16:39:00.005-05:00

Almost makes me want to learn to hang glide.

Almost.

B-day party critters

2008-06-04T13:40:00.004-05:00

I'm not just talking about human critters, but other, more fuzzy kinds.

Monkee loved her party - pony cake, lots of friends, and best of all, critters! (This photo also does a great job of showing my baby weight, lordy.)

Critter 1 - Owl (This one is 30 yrs old!)

Critters 2 and 3 were a baby possum and a snake. They were a HUGE hit. The kids fed the possum grapes, which they thought was just amazing. It doesn't take much to entertain a group of 4 yr olds.

Social Networking Wars

2008-06-04T11:11:00.001-05:00

Serious Earthquake relief

2008-05-22T11:33:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday, Monkee-girl

2008-05-15T09:06:00.002-05:00

My little girl is 4 today. And so thrilled that it's HER day. We made ice cream cone cupcakes (basically cupcakes in a cone) last night and she was a great helper. I'll post some b-day pix. Her favorite card "EVER EVER, Momma" was from her Grandpa Doc and Lori.

It (oh my god) played music. From Peter Pan. Over and over. And over. She adores it. Good call, Grandpa.

Heading into her school today to take the cone cupcakes and goody bags in. I've never been able to go to a party of hers at school before, so this should be interesting. I hope she has fun and doesn't get clingy, which she has a tendency to do when she gets embarrassed.

My darling girl...have a wonderful day!

Busy weekend

2008-04-20T21:16:00.002-05:00

Beautiful spring weather - did a bit of mild gardening. I'm annoyed at being preggers this time of year. I can't fiddle around in the dirt like I usually do. My stomach muscles just can't take the strain. I kept having to rest my round ligaments. So I did lots of laundry. Folding doesn't strain anything, except my patience.

Dinner out with friends, and their kids on Saturday. Dinner with smaller group Sunday, when our friend cooked, and shared her priest with us. Interesting company, and wonderful food. Nice way to swing into a work week. Quite a weekend. I'm exhausted.

We spent a lot of this weekend discussing the upcoming vacation. I feel like we haven't even started to prepare, and it's coming so soon...

The Joys of Chalk (or how much I suck at drawing)

2008-04-14T21:40:00.010-05:00

Monkee realized tonight that her easel not only offers wipe-off markering and painting options, but it ALSO has a chalkboard side. Quite the revelation.

And yes, the sad, monstrous pig and leaning barn are mine. Sorry the pictures are not closer, but take my word for it, her happy sun, bunny and "Farmer Jed" are rockin' (see Jed to the left of the barn)!

Then she asked for a castle. Oh dear.

But she liked it enough to add a baby dragon and the princess (see window, left tower). She also requested a "momma dragon" - so I drew the part I could get by with - the head. And yes, those are supposed to be flames. My one saving grace - we were using sidewalk chalk, people. And that stuff is huge!

Visitors and Stagnant Pool Tables

2008-04-14T12:07:00.004-05:00

This weekend we spent a long, lovely brunch with my cousin, currently of Texas, and his girlfriend. My cousin Dan and I basically grew up together - as the youngest of my siblings and I, he was the "little brother" that drove my brother crazy and was usually just around at events and family gatherings. He pops up enough in family snapshots to make you think we were "four" versus "three." We always loved having him around. Raised by my aunt, pretty much on her own, with a dad who has a lot to be desired (by me anyway, but my dad is fabulous, so I'm biased) he's turned out to be just a really great, down-to-earth person. I just love seeing him.

It was the first time we met the girlfriend, and she's so interesting! Well-traveled, bilingual, obviously smart and very sweet. Although from very different backgrounds, she and Cousin Dan seem (from the measly 3 hours we spent with them) to make a great couple.

Daniel - I wish we saw you more often. You're both welcome at our place anytime.

We also sold the pool table that has been lying stagnant in our basement for several years. We bought it pre-kid, and played it quite a bit in the beginning. Then it just became an island for the gear we didn't want to get wet during the monsoon season. (We used to have a minorly flooded basement every spring, but we fixed that problem - i hope). The table went to a good home, with two boys excited to have it. And now I have a lovely, big empty space in the middle of the basement, surely a catalyst to getting the place cleaned up.

I think my "nesting" is beginning in this pregnancy. I have begun organizing and cleaning up several spaces in the house. All with the goal in mind of having it done before September. It just feels so good to recycle and give away stuff we just don't need. I feel like I can breathe easier after a room (or closet, or drawer, or box, or random basket) has been purged of its uselessness.

Wish me luck. We have a lot of crap to go through.

Monkee Manufacturing

2008-04-07T11:54:00.003-05:00

I can't think of a better excuse for not writing for a month (!), than the above title.

I've been VERY busy. Busy creating another monkee - internal organs, facial features, limbs, brain functions, fingerprints, and everything that goes along with being a tiny human. I'm 15 weeks along - due date Sept. 30.

And I have been sick as a dog. Not just a little sick, but puking every morning sick and "oh-my-god-i'm-in-a-client-meeting-and-just-might-hurl" sick. The last two weeks have been better, with much less nausea. Some days are bad (felt uggy and headache all day yesterday). And some days are better. This morning started off rough - saw a cat puke (lovely way to start a Monday morning) and there was a chain reaction. *sigh*

SO - enough about that. I've been going to bed right after Monkee, so my blogging time has gone the way of the Dodo. I'm attempting to write during my lunch hour. We'll see how it progresses.

Suffice it to say we are very excited about baby 2. Monkee is thrilled. She hugs the baby, talks to the baby, tells us what a good big sister she'll be and swears it's a girl. We were concerned about telling her so early, but since I've been a little "delicate" lately, we needed to tell her something. She's been my little rock star.

Chee has been wonderful. I've heard about husbands who don't give their wives any slack when they're pregnant and don't even attempt to understand the things we go through. Not my Chee - he's my goofy knight in shining hiking boots. And I loves him.

For those aunts readying this...I'll try to post the sonogram when we get it.
Cheers!

Its been a rough week

2008-03-08T10:32:00.002-06:00

5 days of the flu/horrid cold. No strep, thank goodness. And now Monkee has the same yuck. There is nothing more pathetic than a sick, weepy little kid. Not much to do but watch cartoons (she'll settle for old movies sometimes), drink juice and snot all over the couch. We've been through 3 family size tissue boxes this week. Lovely.

So illness has been the focus of my household. Haven't watched the news, checked my email, answered the phone or left the house for anything other than doc appts.

Chee has been a trooper. Took care of Monkee while I was sick; took care of me; bought random supplies and meds, without a complaint. What a guy. Today he's locked away in the office, typing away. He hasn't had the time to write much, what with babysitting me all week. So today I'm trying to switch that around so he can have some time for himself. It's the least I can do.

And I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I love having someone come and clean the house. I pick it up, she scrubs. It was SO wonderful to have her come yesterday, after a week of not being able to clean anything. Its necessary for us. Now lets just hope Chee stays healthy.

Hilariousness

2008-02-25T21:10:00.005-06:00

Our Monkee is hysterical. Really. She's a complete goofball and I know a large portion of "why" is thanks to her daddy. It all started with the hysteria invoked with a flying lotion bottle when she was a mere 5 months old. The guffaws that came from that tiny little body were the same as the ones that come from our almost 4-yr old. Priceless.

We've been taught so much from the songs we hear daily - such as -- Did YOU know that "Princesses are as sweet as jello"? Or that the best dance move in the world is a bottom-wiggle? Or that the louder you ask a dog a question, the more likely it is that you will get an actual answer? And now she is making up "jokes." Help. Us.

In my house, it's all true. And we're constantly amazed at the next crazy thing that comes out of her mouth. A more-than-perfect reason to wake up every morning.

Happy Birthday, my love!

2008-02-22T17:06:00.005-06:00

Today is my wonderful Chee's big day. He's feeling a bit "old", but he's one of those lucky few who will never look his true age. He's perfect for one of those Dove commercials.

There is so much he wanted to accomplish by this age, and he's doing it, bit by bit. I'm very proud of his tenacity and talent. (also a bit jealous) And I know whatever he sets his mind to, he can and will make happen. Because he's just that kind of guy.

To celebrate this wonderful man's birth, I started out with big plans to have a party out somewhere. Then decided we could have everyone over. That sounded too exhausting, so I pulled it back a bit and now we're going to a bar (!) tonight to meet a few friends - first time we've been out on a Friday in years, well, months at least. Monkee is thoroughly enjoying her time with her Nana this everning, and our lovely housekeeper (doesn't that sounds fancy?), Misty, left my house 30 minutes ago and it looks & smells marvelous. Misty is my luxury - today was the first time she's been over in years, and now I plan on making her visit a regular occurrence. It's really one less thing for me to fret over.

Saturday, having some friends we don't see very often over for food, and Sunday, brunch with the fam, which will be out somewhere as I'm not in the cooking mood. Meal Makers and the crockpot are in charge for our little dinner on Saturday. HyVee, my tried and true, will be supplying the cake. (This kind of statement irks my mother to no end. It was a travesty to her when she found out I bought Monkee's birthday cakes. "I always made yours", she said, with obvious hurt. All I can say is that I know what I'm getting when I buy a cake. Otherwise, it could be a very dangerous, unpalatable situation. And no one wants that on their birthday.)

So - Happy Birthday to my favorite man. I'm lucky to have you as a husband and friend. And Monkee is so incredibly blessed to have you as her Daddy.

Snow Tiki

2008-02-17T21:38:00.004-06:00

Our neighbor's sculpture.

Yes, it really is that big.

Last year, she built a skull. It looked horrid as it melted.

I much prefer this year's.

Happy Little Car

2008-02-13T12:32:00.005-06:00

I'm driving home from work yesterday, and I saw something that made me grin.

It was almost this green, and there were two stripes on the right side only with an all green roof.

It made me grin, because as I pulled up behind it, I realized it made the exact same sound kids make when they are "driving" toy cars. You know, that rrrummmm, rrrrummmmm, sound? It made that.
It looked like a roller skate next all the vehicles surrounding it (including the guy on his bicycle.)

After it turned off of the road we were both following, I was sad to see it go. It brought some cheerfulness to an otherwise dull drive home.

Thanks, little green car. I hope to see you again. And tell me, what does your gas bill look like?

Book Lover's Web site

2008-02-04T13:35:00.000-06:00

My darlin' Chee sent me this - GoodReads.

I love it and have 20-odd books entered thus far. Its a thriving community. Don't be fooled - people still do chose books over tv. It happens - this site is proof.

Ah, how far we've come since keeping those two spiral-bound notebooks at my first library job "Books I've Read (and what I rate them)" and "Books To Read." At one point, leaving the library was a huge relief to me, since the books i wanted to read had so out-paced the time I had to read them. I was completely stressed-out over it and it was a relief to put it away.

Now that recommending books is a love, not a job, I can start listing away once again, for anyone who cares, to see. With no pressure whatsoever.

On another point - it's Super Tuesday eve, y'all! Don't forget to vote!

I have heard tears from a relative stranger

2008-02-01T13:00:00.000-06:00

I struggled with what to call this post. After all the %&*$* years we've been in Iraq, I finally know someone is being sent there.

Background: Chee was a military kid, went to high school in Korea. He made friends who left his life for awhile and for one reason or another, came back around.

Jason is one of those.

He called last night - I saw the caller id, noticed it was out of state, and picked up. When he said he was being deployed in a few days, I knew it was Chee's high school buddy, Jason.

I have never talked to this guy before in my life, and we spoke for a few minutes. He sounded terrible, just torn apart. Not in tears, but ripped up inside. He is married with two sons, 5 and 1. I asked if his wife had people around to help her in his abscence (she does). He's taking his laptop and a web cam. He's in HR, so doesn't think he'll be in any huge danger zone. But...he'll be gone for 387 days.

Let me repeat - 387 DAYS. I was so floored I did not know what to say.

The irony is, he was in the Gulf War. Left the military after - went to college - got a degree. Joined the reserves five measly months ago, hoping for some big money as an officer. And now, he's being told he has to leave his family for a damn long time.

Chee was angry, but seemed to understand why he joined up again. I bet he and his wife have gone over it a million times since (how many other families are doing the same?). It probably looks SO good on paper.

I cried for him this morning - I was thinking of his wife and kids. How hard it would be for Monkee and I to have Chee gone that long, and I just couldn't help it.

Godspeed, Jason. I'm praying for you and your loved ones. Be safe.

How refreshing...

2008-01-30T13:24:00.000-06:00

Who knew the Rest of Us are actually the sought -afters, the truly hip ones...

Ever-expanding library

2008-01-22T21:41:00.000-06:00

When I was a kid, the most exciting school days were when the Scholastic Book Order sheets (I still adore these) arrived. As soon as I got on the bus, I would pour over them, choosing many items, then going back and narrowing them down based on what money I had, and what money my mother could spare - we went halvsies a lot. Sometimes my mom would tell me Just one. It was like a death knell. I'd try to negotiate up to more (but its just one package of books, so it counts as one book!). Never worked. It's not that my mother didn't want me to have the books I craved (I'd already worked my way through the small school and town libraries), it's that we didn't have the money to spare. The books I did have, I learned to take very good care of. Some of my Junior High favorites I still keep in my "books I love" bookcase. (I'm afraid to go back and read them again, afraid of them not meeting up to the expectations of my memory.)

Now Monkee brings the book orders home - I hate that they have become so commercial, but the Dora and Princess crap is easy enough to avoid for now. I order chapter books, and classics I remember from when I worked as a children's librarian. I'll also look up a book online if I don't recognize it, before I order. Heck, they're under $5 a pop. Library fines would cost me more. And of course, I try to interest Monkee by sitting her down and looking at them together. Gotta start them young.

I'm between books right now - I had an overload from the library, and returned some I'd gotten through their hold system...but I finished "American Gods" early (LOVED it), and now I'm stuck w/no anticipated read waiting in the wings. I have to hit up my bookshelves for the "I know I'll read it someday" caste. I pulled A.S. Byatt's Babel Tower. I'm not one for romances, but her book Possession is one of my all time favorite reads. Her writing is beautimus and her characters are fully realistic - hopeful and flawed. I hope Babel is not a disappointment. Come to think of it, I'm going to order another of Neil Gaiman's books; see if he can equal "Gods." I love the library - it saves me so much money. But I wouldn't want to work there again. Ah, the libraries of mine past. A dreary tale for another night, full of *gasp* realism, dread, hope, loves, queens and tyrants. Really!

Children International - Lift One Up

2008-01-18T21:07:00.002-06:00

I typed a HUGE post about Children International. Then, with a blink of 'Publish Post' it magically DISAPPEARED. AARRGGHHH!

Here is the short version.

We're sponsors.

You should be too. LOTS of good reasons (notice the 1 of 800 pgs).

Many great things can happen.

Just ask Curmudgeon.

Or Dorothy.

Or Lina.

Her Many Styles

2008-01-17T16:56:00.000-06:00

Ill on a Snow Day

2008-01-17T15:58:00.000-06:00

No one likes to read about other people being ill with a virus. It's not interesting, really, just pathetic. We all go through it, so I'll spare you the detail. Suffice it say, I spent yesterday taking care of myself, and my kid (who was much sicker than I, and much more stoic about it). Today we both feel much better, but not well enough for work or school, so it has been a day for resting, light playing and working as much as I can from home.

I considered going into work, but I'd hate to get everyone sick, plus, Monkee's school closed on account of weather. Which I just can't get over.

It rained yesterday, then sleeted, then a light snow. It was slick in spots, and there were traffic issues on the radio this morning. Many schools are closed. I just can't get used to it. Where I grew up, school was NEVER closed. Snow days were something our parents talked about and that we'd go through once during our entire grade school years. I remember my dad taking me to school in his truck on the mornings the bus couldn't make it.

Monkee's school has had several Snow Days already this year. I'd say one of them was really what I would consider a nerve-racking, scary-driving, safety-issue sort of day. And that's mainly because our city does a horrible job of taking care of its neighborhood streets (ours has not been graded/salted in the 5 years we've lived here).

I'd hate to be one of the people who have to make the Snow Day/No Snow Day decision. You know it upsets people. The parents are the ones who have to find alternate care somehow - not everyone can work from home. I'm sure most of the care providers don't get paid for those days (but WE still pay for care on those days, ironically enough).

And not even enough snow for a snowman.

Little white lies

2008-01-14T21:53:00.000-06:00

Monkee is all about exerting her independence right now. I'm trying to patient, but she's driving me to distraction.

And now, she has officially, on purpose, lied to me. *sob*

I'm sure she's done it before, but tonight, its official. Chee had made one of her favorite dinners, bagel pizzas (no olives, she doesn't like them cooked). We were all at the table, talking about our days like usual, but instead of her usual stories and chattering, she was quiet, putting her head on her hand, while the other used her fork to draw pictures on her plate.

Me: what's wrong, sweetie?
Monkee: I don't want to eat the pizza.
Me: Why not?
Monkee: Daddy made them.
Me: Did you help Daddy make them?
Monkee: No. That's why I don't want it.

(stern look from Mommy)
(Suddenly...)

Monkee: My tummy hurts, Mommy.
(She had an upset stomach this weekend (or so i thought!), so I figured she was having a relapse.)
Me: Do you want something softer, like eggs or cereal?
Monkee: (very seriously) Maybe some grapes.

*note - Grapes are this child's favorite food. I finally began to think something was up as she hopped down from the table, all happy with the idea of grapes heading her way. So, I called her over, set her in front of me and asked her to look at my eyes...

Me: (holding her in front of me) Monkee, do you really have an upset tummy? Are you telling me the truth?
Monkee: (Looks down, then nods Yes. Then looks at up at me, straight in my eyes, SO sad and nods No)
Me: (feeling distraught) Ok, Monkee. I'm glad you told me the truth. Thank you. (big hug) I'm proud of you for telling me the truth. I'd like you to do that next time, ok?
Monkee: (hugging back) Ok

I'm sure she's done it before, I'm not that naive (and I SO hope I'm wrong about that). But I am sad. I just hope that as she grows, she trusts me enough to be honest, even if she knows she won't always hear exactly what she wants to from me.

*Sniff* She's growing up.

I'll call it a "rut"

2008-01-13T21:22:00.000-06:00

In the last few weeks, I've spoken with several friends I haven't heard from in years. It's been wonderful and yet, what took them so long? :)

It's hard to watch dear friends move on to bigger and brighter places, while I sometimes feel like I sit. Just sit. It's hard to hear "so, you're still doing that PM thing?" and I think, wow, shit, I am. How did that happen?

I'm still here, where I landed after college. Met my amazing Chee, bought a home. Had a child. Changed jobs and changed jobs. Continued to do a lot of the same things in those jobs. It seems so obvious that a change is needed, but it looks SO hard. It exhausts me to think of taking on a new challenge right now. I love the place where I work; the people are great, the work is interesting and changing. But there is something missing...maybe its the fact that I see most of my friends closing in on their career goals, their dreams. I feel as if I have such a hazy view of what lies ahead for me, of what I crave. I'm more than mom and wife, although I adore the roles, and hope to be a mommy of two some day. But what about the best "work" for me?

I have a friend who tells me I volunteer more than anyone she knows. I feel like a do a bit, but far, far from a lot.
Quick list over the last few years. I've walked the 3-Day Breast Cancer Walk in CO (trained my ass off & screwed my knees up worse), Crewed for the 3-Day, Volunteered as the 3-Day volunteer coordinator in my city, donated lots of goods, donated blood regularly, joined a local non-profit arts organization (promotes the local visual and performing arts in my city) as a board member and became the Board Pres. Not much, really, since that was over a 6-yr span.

I need to do more, but you know, I love those parts of my life. If the 3-Day did not require the travel aspect, I'd jump at that. I've always felt I needed to do something that gives back to the community. I know a lot of people say that. And I know there is a way I can do both without sacrificing my family time or financial security - its a matter of how, and remembering that keeping up with the Joneses is not mandatory. In fact, it should be shunned. The Joneses have been known to lean bipolar and hide their manic depressive episodes as they slave over their desks every night at 8pm, instead of reading their kids bedtime stories. The same Joneses who are over-extending and have children who are left to fend for themselves, feel underappreciated and who have no idea if their parents love them, but of course, have huge playrooms full of new toys.

I plan on my kid never having a lack of mommy time. So how do I balance what I need as a woman and worker, as volunteer, as wife and mommy? It's the answer we all search for...but damn, I'm nearing my mid-thirties and not much closer to an answer than I was at 26. *sigh* Why do I feel as if I need an answer? Is it the peer pressure of seeing friends my age get PhDs, live in a foreign country, publish that long-dreamt for book?

I keep thinking that moving from here, finding a new, mountainous horizon will help me to start over, but this time with my adored family. I envision going back to school will help. A part of me hopes my company will open a Western office I can plunk down in. Maybe I need to just start over, find a non-profit job somewhere (although I fear entry-level might bore the piss out of me), try to find something to be really jazzed about. I know that feeling; I've had several jobs where that was the foundation, but they were going nowhere, so I moved on.

It's just so complicated.

I am "Twisted"

2008-01-11T11:08:00.001-06:00

Saw this "Are You Evil?" quiz on Average Jane's blog - and had to share.

How evil are you?

So, friends, is it true? Think carefully before you answer...I know where you live.

Blogging course

2008-01-10T12:16:00.000-06:00

I haven't seen it yet, but you have to post it, to get it. Hmmm, chicken vs egg. So if it sucks people, don't blame me. Blame them for the rules.

Mark Joyner of Simpleology is releashing a free course on blogging.

It’s a multi-media course on blogging. For a while, they’re letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.

It covers:

The best blogging techniques.

How to get traffic to your blog.

How to turn your blog into money.

I’ll let you know what I think once I’ve had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it’s still free.

Blog fodder, where are you?

2008-01-09T23:27:00.000-06:00

Blog material is everywhere. I hear snippets all day I try to commit to memory, so why can't I think of anything interesting when I sit down to write? I'm sure part of it is the fact that it's the last thing I've been doing before lights out. The best time to write is not when you're exhausted.

One HUGE annoyance today - got a call from the collision place that is working on my car. Seems they are still missing a part. It "should" be done tomorrow. Hmmm, funny that. Last Wednesday was the original "should" date. At this point, we're paying as much out of pocket for a friggin rental as we are for our deductible.

Note - I read the most riotous blog today. Check out the queen of shake-shake.

Jon Stewart for President

2008-01-08T22:36:00.000-06:00

I love Jon Stewart...and so does Chee, so it's all good. We laugh, we cry, we bond. (ha!)

He's a great ad-libber, but it's still obvious he's missing the writers. Still, if I had a choice, I'd rather watch Stewart ad-lib than sit through most of the campign speeches, and especially the commentary shows. I've been staying away from the "news" programs lately; I'm so sick of the campaign coverage and constant guesstimations of who is going to come out ahead. He is my exception. If I'm going to hear political gabble, at least entertain me. I do read about the campaign...the commentary shows just annoy me. It's like listening to football - those who can not play, talk about what they're watching, no matter how inane the subject matter. And that, dear readers, is why the "Mute" button was invented.

By the way, have you seen the vid of Hillary's "breakdown?" It was ridiculously low key - no tears, a bit of a quaver. Stewart showed it tonight, and added several political MALE power-brokers in much more obvious teary-states, as a comparison. Insane. The hoopla around her showing an ounce of vulnerability is an incredible example of making news out of nothing, which Stewart hit in his commentary and vid comparison. If it was a male candidate, this would never have been an issue. Let's hope it's over. Especially since she won NH tonight.

*sigh* - but I still love Jon Stewart.

Like the Frog says, "It's not easy being Green..."

2008-01-07T16:47:00.000-06:00

I beg to differ...

I'm usually a mild-to-medium shade of Green, but since I saw Oprah on Friday, I've been obsessively, deep, evergreen Green. I went out and bought The Green Book AND picked up a copy for a friend of mine who I know will find it handy.

The focus of the show was on small things we can do everyday to be more environmentally friendly.
For example:

Bank receipts - Do you REALLY need them? I only get them when I make a deposit, to make sure everything goes through
Napkins - basically, use less. OR use cloth (they're prettier!)
Paper towels - same thing
Light Bulbs - when your current bulb dies, use the Compact Flourescent kind. We use them already. They really work. And last. And last.
Showers - there are celebrity quotes throughout the book. To save water, energy, and to feel less guilty about using more water to get clean than some people have in a day for drinking, cleaning, cooking, etc... Jennifer Aniston says she has her showers down to 3 minutes. So now I'm wondering, when does she wash her hair? I mean, the woman has a ton of it (last I saw). With my short do, it takes that long to just get soap in and out. I'm certainly not a 3-min. shower kind of girl, but i moved it from 20min to 15 this weekend. My goal is 10 minutes.
Insulation - fix your windows. Insulate your water heater. Block those crazy windy doors (we have 2!). See if your energy company can come out and do an energy audit. I had never even heard of such a thing!
Recycle - there is really no excuse. I'm lucky in that my city picks up all recycles minus the dangerous stuff, like hazardous waste and glass. Chee and I do a good job of recycling the same amount, if a bit more(!) than we throw away. I even contacted the city to make sure the recycling company we use is actually recycling (i heard nasty rumours they weren't) so I feel better know about the effort it takes, which really, isn't much at all! And best yet, by making it a family effort, I'm showing Monkee that it's the right thing to do.

Oprah also had a segment on cleaners. I've been noticing my asthma acting up when we went on our Holiday cleaning frenzy. Could be the dust, but I have a feeling it was also the cleansers we used. I picked up some "poison-free" cleansers from Seventh Generation this weekend. I'll tell you how they pan out. Shaklee, another cleaning products company from the show is also offering a discount on their starter kit this month.

Watch Friday's show. You'll feel enlightened, a bit scared, but definitely empowered!

How are you leaving the condition of your little corner of our one and only earth for the next generation? Think about it, then DO something about it.

Blog Name

2008-01-05T21:47:00.001-06:00

After much, much debate, brainstorming and research(!), I've decided to stick with what I know. Really, I'm "Just Fweetieb" after all.

Suggestions, galore!

2008-01-04T11:08:00.000-06:00

I asked, and you sent...seems the "Bond" portion is a favorite. I'm leaning to a Blog identity sans the name, unfortunately. I have not looked any of these up, so for all I know,t hey may be used already. But, see list below *some left off due to identity concerns.

And NO STEALING these!! (I just know you want to!)

Recovering Librarian
The queen of draught
Bondage and You (sent because "it'll attract a lot of random hits")
Me, the kid, and the decrepid old goat I call Sweetie
I am not Steve McQueen
I am not a Hilton (topical, no?)
Michael: The Best Thing That Ever Happened to the Universe (from our friend of the same name)
The bond effect
Bond Ambition
A family bond
REDbond
Sassy and bond
Running with bond
Arts and bond
Bondshavemorefun
GentlemanPreferBonds

seeing a pattern here?

Off the List
Spread too Thin
Writing Myself
Fweetie
Fweetie B
Midwest Musings
Communicae
Iggy Thump
The beauty of Life and My Obsessions
Bean Soup
A Friend of Mine Told Me....
Life, Love and the Untold
Virtual Fwee
Jumping to Conclusions
etc...

I've heard there are a few more coming...I'll add as they arrive. I'll have a new name by next week. I'm so excited. Thanks to all!!

Help Me with a Blog name.

2008-01-02T12:26:00.000-06:00

I need help, and I can't give you anything for it, EXCEPT the warm fuzzy feeling you get when you know you've helped someone out in their darkest hour (well, minute anyway).

I've decided in 2008 I'll be posting on a regular basis, no mean feat for me.
And in doing so, I'm looking for a new blog name. Something interesting, possible quirky. Something that most moms and women could "get." Something my friends will read and say "oh, yeah. That's her."

Previous blog names, all for this blog (I just keep changing the URL, since no one really reads it - yet!) include:
- The Orange Wall (I had just painted and this felt fun)
- Fweetieb Me (bad grammar to the extreme)
and of course
- Life as a Bond - which makes no sense unless you know me offline.

SO - suggestions? Ideas? Am I crazy to be changing again?
Help me, people!!

Read the books - My Daemon is...

2008-01-01T19:31:00.000-06:00

a tiger. I friggin' love that.

I read the books last year - great fantasy, if a bit disturbing. I have not seen the movie, but am intrigued. Like the Potter's, you should read the books before seeing the movie(s). The Golden Compass is not exactly material for a young child, with many adult themes.

Cool little app for determining your daemon on the goldencompassmovie.com site.

Happy Day One

2008-01-01T18:37:00.000-06:00

2008 is here. Things to look forward to:

I'll be married 5 yrs this year. I'm sure that will come with surprises.
Trip to CO in April-ish - We've been looking forward to visiting friends we haven't seen in years. It's n0t like they live across the globe...its just so tough to get away.
I'm planning on staying in one job this year. Read that again - ONE JOB (lord willing)
No new plants - I gardened the heck out of my backyard last year, with indigenous growth. I think I'll just wait this Spring out and see what comes back.
Purge Purge Purge - I swear, this year, we are getting rid of the 1990's computer manuals, magazines I've carefully filed away in order and never picked up again, and all that "useful" crap in the basement and attic that need a home that is NOT ours. Plus those tiny jeans I've been keeping as a momento of sizes long gone *sigh*. (But I am keeping that fuzzy zebra stripe - read: trashy- skirt I wore to the bars eons ago. That one has some serious memories and associated lessons I'll be passing on to Twinkers someday when she's 21. Or 35. Whatever.) I know you want to see it. I may just put a pix of it up, in all its unwearable splendor. Stay tuned!
Serious yoga/gym time - Oddly enough, I miss it. I think it's one reason I keep getting sick. My lungs are suffering (asthma) from little excess exhertion. I need to get them back into shape. I hate this coughing; it stays with me and is painful.
Reading more of my shelf books - these are books I've had for ev er. And for whatever reason, never read. If I hate the book, pass it on. I keep books I dislike. I think its a comfort thing.
Become more environmentally aware - I like to think I do ok, but I know there is more I should be doing
Volunteer more frequently - donate blood regularly over my lunch break, find a cause to focus on that helps my community
Prepare our house - I know we'll sell it someday. There are a ton of little, nagging items that need to be taken care of. I have a list. I've HAD a list. The list, poor thing, is ignored more than it deserves. So I'm going to hit it again. This year, it is all getting checked off. If I feel up to it, I may post the list. Let's compare. What are YOUR house To-do's?

I read over at Surrender, Dorothy, how she's a worrier and will be working on being less so in 2008. I have to plea the same; however, my worries center on Twinkers school/future (and don't all parents have that worry) and our planet. Not to much on my shoulders, right? I'm also in the process of mentally exhausting myself thinking of my next career - which I see being many years in the future. How can I use what I know, in the job I have now (which I'm liking tremendously), and do some global good? Or is it better to focus on my little circle of the world, help by volunteering where I can, drive a hybrid (next car) and recycle everything I can get my hands on? This will be a future post - I want to do some research and make some serious changes in my household going forward. It's the least I can do for now.

Wishing for a more Peace-filled year than last.
Happy 2008!

Holidays never last long enough, until we're sick of them

2007-12-31T10:38:00.001-06:00

Its been a good holiday. We've seen some loved ones from afar, received and given some lovely gifts, gone to the Nutcracker, attended Christmas Eve service at a Catholic church (which non-Catholics that we are, we actually enjoyed!), donated blood and goods, and eaten too much rich, wonderful food!

We had a few hiccups, my recurring hacking cough and migraine and our car accident...but I'll get better and the car is in the shop, so things are looking up. I'm back to work on the 2nd, so I'm trying to enjoy these remaining 2 days. I know there are a million things around here I need to be taking care of, and I'll kick myself for not doing it while I had time, but this cold is befuddling all my well-laid plans.

It's certainly been an interesting year, which I won't go into detail here - my punishment for not blogging when it happened. Really, life just happened. And we're still here to show for it.

Here's to more blogs in 2008, and many exciting changes for our family and friends. And if my head hurt less right now...I'd write more on that topic.

Happy Happy to All!

Tiny things that make noise

2007-12-29T13:08:00.000-06:00

Lots and lots of noise. A Barbie that sings - heaven help us. WAY too many noise ornaments that get taken off the tree and played with. A calculating cash register - cha-ching! Button-pushing madness for an otherwise adorable 3yr-old. Simply too many opportunities.

For once, I can't wait to take the tree down. Between the noise and the small section of blinking lights that should NOT be blinking, the plastic wonder-tree is driving me nuts.

**Side-note on the wonder-tree. It is named for the fact that its a wonder I put it up.
I hate plastic trees. Its plastic.
I hate multi-colored lights. Guess what it has.
I hate putting the thing together. I do it every year.
I bought it two years ago, after Christmas. A lovely 7 ftr with white lights. The box said so. The photo said so. The people at the store guaranteed it (verbally). Opened it the year after. Rainbow lights. Oh, how I hate it.

A Cynic's Christmas Tale

2007-12-27T16:28:00.000-06:00

You prepare and plan and wrap, and plan, and clean, and plan. Before you know it, the holiday has come and gone. We stayed home this year. It was mostly lovely, really, especially since the weather has been mildly icy/snowy. And on that note...

We were on our way to the Nutcracker 2 Saturdays ago. It had snowed and was a little slick, but we're carful drivers and I've had tickets since the first day they sold them to the general public - Oct. 22. There was no way we were going to miss it...or so I thought.

On our way, we were in the right lane of a 4 lane street. To the left of us (left lane), a small white/gray car began fishtailing...next thing we knew, she was in OUR lane, and too close for us to avoid her. My dear Chee was driving, and he did his damndest to not hit her straight on, sucessfully avoiding a 9 foot concrete and metal barrier near the sidewalk, which could have seriously damaged the truck AND my face as the airbog would have most certainly gone off.

Since she was in our lane, her rear right tail hit my front left fender, bashing it in completely, then proceeding to gouge its way all along the right side of my vehicle. It smashed the driver's door handle in, and basically fucked up four panels of my SantaFe. The worst part for me was that my sweet Twinkers was in the car, too.

In our state, if there are no witnesses, no one gets ticketed. No one was badly injured (my back is a mess, I've been to the dr.), and both vehicles were driveable, so we were told by a passing cop to head to the nearest police station to give a statement. Chee did so, and the other driver did not say anything about his statement being incorrect. Needless to say, we missed the Nutcracker.

2 days later, her insurance agency called (Progressive, those little weasels) and she had completely LIED HER ASS OFF. NOW, she says she started out in the right lane, which is a huge load of horseshit. So now, instead of her insurance paying for our damage, which is completely her fault, we're paying our deductible, plus any overage on a rental.

It could have been such a worse accident -- and I'm grateful that we weren't hurt. And we were able to get seats at the Nutcracker using the same tickets. But really, I just wanted to tell that lying so and so -- for God's sake, it's Christmas. Can't you tell the truth now?? But considering our house was broken into on Dec. 23rd a few years back, I guess I can't hope for good feelings around the holiday. Everyone is just out for themselves.

And this said by someone who donated blood this morning, across from a 76 yr-old nun! I hate feeling this cynical.

Tardy Christmas Cards

2007-12-21T09:23:00.000-06:00

I had decided to not send any this year. But guilt prevails. I'm sending a very few, to people who:
A. sent us one
B. are family I haven't heard from and miss terribly

I am; however, avoiding sending cards to people who sent me photo cards. I just can't compete with that this year. It's my overachiever syndrome - if you can't play, stay off the court.

So if you received a card from me and are reading this to see the christmas program video...go back a few days (i.e. scroll down).

Merry Dec. 21st.

Party at work for the kids

2007-12-19T14:25:00.000-06:00

How fun this was! Building Gingerbread Houses, watching Christmas movies, food and laughter. I'm so lucky to work where this is important stuff.

Lovely.

My Favorite Christmas Singers

2007-12-19T12:25:00.000-06:00

Enjoy, PS4 parents!

Sorry for the shake (and the head that keeps getting in the way). The sound is not as good as it was straight from the camera...but you can get the gist.

PS4

The whole group!

Hiatus

2007-11-28T10:27:00.001-06:00

It's a beautiful autumn day and I'm jumping on this bandwagon again.

Blog Reader Fanatic

2006-10-04T13:24:00.000-05:00

I'm turning into a reader of many. Not sure how it happened, but I'm begining to feel overwhelmed by all the words just regular Jane/Joes have to say online. I'm digging it.

Today - read an awesome blog by a mom with the Wiggles on her mind. And the Krafft brothers. And Drake and Josh. Of course, our KIDS watch these, right? Hmm - who buys the merchandise? Not lil' pumpkin, that's for sure. Although lil' pumpkins new favorite sentence is "you get me that." It has begun!

No more &*%*&* toy catalogs are coming into my house, reaping toddler hell. But now she is asking for "Noggin on the compooter."

Gotta love cyberspace. There is something for everyone.

mindless babble

2006-05-29T22:28:00.000-05:00

I'm beginning to realize I have very little to say of interest.

What a scary concept.

it's been awhile...

2006-05-16T21:39:00.000-05:00

I knew it would be a crazy 2 months...now that birthdays are over, garden is upgraded, misc To-dos are accomplished, I'm finally getting back to this.

I was never very good at diary-type things. I've always found it difficult to put down more than just activities and skin-deep. I read a friend's blog today, and she talked of mediation, and healing, and bad decisions turned good. I could write about that stuff, but I think I have a mental block to the worst of my past. I find that when I look back, there is a rosy curtain over it. I suppose its my way of allowing myself to move on. My own strange healing.

Anyway - I just don't want to wallow in my own percieved misery, like I know some do. I read some blogs online, and just want to say "get off the damn couch and go live your life." So many people let others live for them. I feel like that happened to me once, and from happenstance, now I'm in a kind of rut. A pleasant, loving, wonderful rut. But leaving it for wide open pastures and adventure just can't happen right now. I have too much lovely at stake. I know my other half agrees. The problem is, neither of us really knows how to break out. How to leave the Midwest and head for places abroad. With a youngster, I feel I have to be a certain kind of person/parent. Maybe we'll find a happy medium as she grows older. All we can do right now is live as much as we can in the direction of the "other" we yearn for.

btw - I'm seriously annoyed at McCain. This whole immigration/National Guard thing just makes me ill. And he's right along with the Bush crowd. Ugh.

Posting just to Post

2006-03-20T12:28:00.000-06:00

I have a strong feeling the next 2 months are going to be crazyiness at work. Meaning little time for writing here. This is my "token" post, just to keep the blog sort of fresh.

My excuse for not writing the last few weeks is, besides mommy time, I was reading two excellent books in my spare time (little as it is). For some reason I've been enjoying YA (Young Adult) books lately. Cornelia Funke especially. When I was a librarian, I often worked in the Children/Teen section, and read a lot of that genre then. Haven't touched them in awhile. I read a review of "Inkspell" and thought it would be a good, quick read. Turns out it was, but be warned, it can be fairly intense. Life and death stuff, not unlike the Harry Potter's.

We're getting a last winter spell - I have to say that I'm enjoying it. Spring is wonderful, but means Summer is nearby. And I really don't enjoy Summer in this part of the country. Sweaty heat. Ugh.

Found a cool site - http://www.veoh.com/channels.html
Enjoy!

It's been awhile

2006-02-22T21:36:00.000-06:00

And even though I haven't posted anything in awhile, its not for lack of thinking about it. Of course, a few of my evening hours are dedicated to American Idol (SO sad) and to some work projects that are made easier if I can sit down for 45 min. or so and read through docs I don't have time to review at work (again, sad).

My daughter loves Idol. She calls it "Bad Singer." Even though the supposed good singers are now on. My favs: Chris Daughtry and Taylor Hicks. Couple of the girls are great, but I wish there was more of a female voice variety. No femme rockers this year, which sucks.

So I've had some family drama lately. My sis is divorcing her clueless brute of a husband. I feel bad for her struggle, but am glad she is moving on the Happy. She has been stuck in Sad for too many years now. Her 3 yr-old daughter is showing visible signs of relief now that her dad is not around as much - which says a lot. Of course, her son is unhappy (he's almost 6). Kids just have a hard time understanding that their parents are human. I have no doubt this is the best for all of them. He was never really the "Dad" - just played the role when he had too (when my sister guilted him into it). The whole thing makes me so grateful for my hubbie.

Necessary boredoms

2006-01-28T22:40:00.000-06:00

It seems I am always searching for a way to add more time, more organization, more space in my world. It just ain't happenin'. I'm too involved with too many things - and its my own fault. And not just "outside of my house" stuff. Primo example - I was determined to get through a simple to-do list today. Instead, I started a completely different project that could have waited. So one more day with a nasty bathroom floor, but at least the laundry is getting done. My list had a few minor things - hang a few pictures, vacuum, scrub bathtub. Would have taken 2 hrs.

Instead, I started going through all the crap in the office. Cleaned up one bookcase, made a dent in another. I have a stack of Parenting mags going back 3 yrs. I've looked at them maybe 10 times in the last year. There are a few good articles and I'm not much of a cook, but they have doable recipes. So "organizer" me starts going through them. I probably pulled articles from 10 or so. Which means I have a lot to still go through. Now I'll have to take those articles, categorize them (health, food, money, Toddler, etc...) and find a 3-ring binder for them. Thank god for a curious, busy toddler in the house. She was a great excuse to work less on it that my organizer instinct would like. Amazingly, she balances me, usually. :)

Why do I do this to myself? It would have been so simple to just stick to the list. Now I've created an entirely new one. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. I'll compromise. We decided to take S out to an indoor play place tomorrow. I'm cleaning the frickin bath as soon as I get up in the morning, so I can enjoy the afternoon with no worries - the mags can wait, again. Checkmark! One down. God - life's little necessary boredoms.

The first step is admitting it...

2006-01-23T11:41:00.000-06:00

I admit, I am an American Idol junkie.
I'm slowly getting drug into Tuesday and Wednesday tv. And I usually despise what is on network tv. I hate the initial episodes where they show the poor off-key singing souls with their freaky costumes and freakier voices. But once they get the people who can actually sing, I'm completely riveted.

i have a tendency to root for the weird ones. The less Brittany, and more Avril. More Bo, less Carrie (although her country girl-ness definitely had some sentimental value for me). I'm all for the rock stars - the pop kids need to just sit down - we have too many of the cookie-cutters out there as it is. Which is why most radio sucks. (Exception - www.kexp.org out of the U of Wash.)

There was a guy on AI last week who was a total rock star. Married a chick with 2 kids - she was there and so teary as she "gave him his chance." I wondered how I would handle that, once he was a star, that is. Talk about having to be flexible. I dug the guy though, and his story. They don't tell stories until they actually make it some sort of distance in the contest. i'm interested in hearing him sing again.

One thing I can say that is really positive, other than giving people their 15 min. of fame, it also shows me how many interesting people are out there. Not to mention showing the rest of the world the same. Americans can be such individuals (at least the under 30s) - and isn't that cool? Look out Republicans - the weirdos are getting older.

Mild humilation and a great visit.

2006-01-11T22:09:00.000-06:00

The two events in the header have absolutely nothing to do with one another...so I'll start with the visit.

My beloved cousin D was in town last weekend. He is my sis's age, and was always the "younger brother" in our family. He is a great kid (guy, whatever) and I don't get to see him very often. Strangely enough, I can't remember the last time I actually sat down and chatted with him. I now feel as though I have missed out. D, if you read this, I don't mean to embarrass you, but you are an extremely funny, personable, entertaining, intelligent, easy guy to hang with. I wish I knew the perfect girl to send your way, 'cause you'd be a wonderful catch for someone (even if ATVing is your hobby). ;) I feel like I've missed out on being your friend as we've all become older. I really want you to keep in touch. Chee and B had a great time as well. Next time we'll do pool and beer instead of coffee. :) Maybe the hi-po will station you with a few hours of us - that would be very cool. You are always welcome in our home.

As for the mild humiliation - scenario is: Chee and I have LOTS of single friends. I really think we have more than the average happily married couple. And I want ALL my singles to find a happy double. With that in mind, I did some searching on craigslist.com, not seriously having any certain person in mind, I just wanted to help. Bad move on my part - I was looking at women seeking men, and lo and behold, saw an interesting match for our friend Mikey, so I sent. I got a little carried away and saw several other options, and sent to him. Then saw a great one for friend T. Sent to her. Catch that? HER. Oops. T (not knowing yours truly is an idiot) sent the nice lady an intro email. Caveat - no name was in the online ad and T is hetero. So, plot thickens. Nice lady writes T back. Signs it with "Kathy." T finds this hilarious and calls me to rub it in - what are friends for? T even tells her Dad. O god - good thing I embarrass easily - more fun for T that way. Poor Kathy.

Morale of story: Be careful when sending "helpful" emails - or at least make sure you get your genders/sex orientation straight (pun not intended).

BTW - Happy Birthday, T! I'm glad I made you laugh your ass off today.

Politics, sorta.

2006-01-10T21:49:00.000-06:00

So I'd say I move from the left to center. No way am I right. Unlike my family in KS. I can't talk to them about anything political - they are always right/Republican, regardless of the blantantly obvious & the stuff you have dig past in the media to get to the real news(so Dad, if you're reading, sorry). We actually had a HUGE fight when I was in college about Rush Limbaugh. What a waste of breathe - and I never rubbed the whole "drug addiction" in anyone's face when that came up(of course, I'm sure that would have had justification, as well).

Most of our friends are Dems or Indies. I'm at the point where I just want:
A. a leader in the big white house who can speak intelligently, and who has travelled out of his own backyard (we SHARE this planet, after all)
B. someone who at least tries to be nonpartisan
C. the possibility of a leader other countries can respect (versus hate or laugh at, which is what we have now)
D. no more pres. who work for big corporations (i know this is a HUGE stretch, but one can hope)

I'm just sick of the last 6 yrs. What a huge step backwards for us all.
The one bright spot for me (and many of my cohorts) is Senator McCain. A Republican who can think outside of the Rep. cage. I saw him speak recently & I think 2008 is his year. He seems honest, willing to work with other people and isn't trying to make everyone on his side happy ("i've got an idea - let's make the Christian Right happy - nothing else matters"). The worse thing that could happen would be more of the VP in power. Crimeny.

I just hope others are as sick as I am about the last years of shite and "lies" being pushed down our throats by guilt and fear. It has just been so embarassing! Makes me cringe.

I'm going to add a few links to this blog - there are some funny/scary things out there on the Web regarding all this. http://www.commondreams.org is a good place to start.

Good coffee

2006-01-06T19:37:00.000-06:00

I've noticed lately that new coffee shops are popping up all over town. I think it's wonderful. I'm not a huge coffee drinker, but it allows for excellent meeting spots where people will not be getting drunk; granted, people who are drunk will stop in once in awhile, but that just makes things more interesting.

I just like the variation of ambiences these indie coffee houses come up with. I'd like a room like that in my house. :) Some have live music at nite - which can get annoying sometimes (too loud to converse). Few have comfy chairs like they used to. I would think it

Having all the great indie places leaves no excuse for people to go to the "global coffee monstrosities." If you frequent particular coffee places, they get to know you and your tastes, leading to coffee made exactly your way, not made to fit the corp. recipe. And if your ambrosia is made by someone other than yourself, don't you want it to be made-to-order?

It's such a nice change.

Kid movies and other randoms

2006-01-03T20:37:00.001-06:00

My daughter is obsessed with the Mary Poppins movie. I've now seen it, or parts of it, approximately 2 million times. It's awful. I used to like the movie - it's my fault - I introduced it. Now have the lyrics to "Let's go fly a kite" in my head 24/7. Hopefully this period will pass soon. She knows all the characters, including the dog. I never knew the dog's name until I had an obssessed almost 2-yr old (it's Andrew). I admit, the Uncle Albert part still makes me giggle - ah the joy of the old Disney movies. I do still have trouble with Dumbo - I skip the separation part (it upsets me and S) and the drunk baby elephant part is way over her head, but silly more than anything. Now it looks to me like the Disney animators back then were all high at the time they wrote that particular part...

The new kid movies are so focused on being "entire family" movies that they are full of adult humor. The old ones do have adult themes (death, separation, etc...) but you don't have to worry about everything being over their heads (like all the sublties in Mulan - which I love, but S won't "get" for a long time).

I can't believe parents took very young children to the last Harry Potter. Talk about adult themes - scary movie for a little one. My take - if you haven't read the books, DON'T ASSUME it's okay for your child. People are stupid when it comes to movie hype. If it even has an inkling of "kidness" (animated, kids in the movie), they'll bite. Unbelievable. No 4 yr. is ready for Harry Potter 4. When we saw it in the theater, there was a whole gaggle of what loked like 7 yr. olds and under. (It looked like it may have been a class outing.) 3 adults to 11 kids. Horrible. 1/2 way through, the kids starting walking around and goofing off. The special effects were amazing and we came away very impressed, but it was not apprpriate for the kids, as they obviously weren't interested 1/2 way through. And my kid will not see it until she is old enough to read and fully understand the book.

Take all this with a grain of salt. I was a very impressionable kid. A bookworm who came out of her shell with a vengenace. (Reading is still one of my fav pastimes.) On the farm, we only had 3 tv channels. We rarely went to the movies, and my parents never let us watch scary ones. I saw a made-for-tv movie once about a girl who was kidnapped, and I had nightmares for weeks. I remember my mom saying she never should have let me watch it. Ghost story books completely freaked me out. I still dislike horror flicks (unless they are cheesy B movies). I don't think it's a bad thing to want to keep my kid from seeing what really amounts to a waste of time, energy, money and brain power.

Festivus

2006-01-02T14:09:00.000-06:00

Ok - I'll admit it, I'd heard of it, but really had no clue as to the details.
So - for those of you who are in the same predicament - here's the skinny:
http://www.vidlit.com/festivus/

Thank god for the internet.

Beautiful book

2006-01-02T13:38:00.000-06:00

My Aunt C is an amazing florist. She is a head designer at a prestigious studio in LA. She's done lots of "movie star" weddings, bar and bat mitzvahs, birthday parties, Oscar dinners, etc...(she also did the flowers for my first wedding - which were so incredibly gorgeous. Too bad that marriage did not work out, but I've got some freaking amazing floral shots!)

And she has finally published a wonderful how-to book! I have a copy and it is so gorgeous. Great ideas of decorating with flowers while on a budget. "Splendid Flowers for Every Day" - I might be a bit biased, but you won't be disappointed...
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=Iz5uiLLCqB&isbn=1402725140&itm=1

i don't watch local news

2006-01-01T19:29:00.000-06:00

because it sucks. I was reminded of it last night, watching the local revelry broadcast by a young & obviously getting drunk blonde man.
You rarely learn anything of value from local news, unless there was a shooting nearby, and you want to know who bit it. Which is truly infrequent. Most "reporters" look like new college grads, freezing their asses off, or getting rained on, or hanging out at some local event that no one has ever heard of, blathering on with huge *pregnant* pauses. everything is a freak-out. they have to make news. is that what journalism has become? I'd rather know about city issues in detail. About where the local road construction is going on, and where the money is coming from to do it; detail on who is running for what and when for pete's sake! It is almost impossible to find out voting info, unless you're working on the campiagn issues directly. How sad is that? But I can tell you, by God, how many people got shot at the local QT a month ago - and about Jessica simpson's latest drama. Crimeny and what the hell? That is considered important to me? Too bad you can't choose a "My News" on your tv like a My Yahoo. Someone should invent that.

I feel like I can criticize - a. because it is a free country (so far & as far as we know) and b. I was a Journalism major. I met some of these people, and yes, most are just pretty faces who can read a teleprompter just *pregnant pause* right.

What happened to journalism on tv? There are too many damn "entertainment news" shows. I've found the only news where I can really know what is going on in my own country is by watching the BBC, or CNN. My daily NPR fix makes me feel semi-informed, but i know they have their limits. ( I should really read the city paper - maybe that is my problem). it's so much about ratings, that nothing worthwhile is even touched upon. there is a reason international news is either avoided, or gets a meager 30 sec at the end of a broadcast. in the u.s., the vast majority of people don't seem to care, unless it is entertaining in some way.

is this the media's fault? well, to an extent. if their audience gave a crap, they'd move the focus from "buffy the cat who was trapped on an airplane" to the hell that is currently Sudan. we can't do anything immediate about either situation, but it might open up some seriously closed eyes...

no idea where this mild rant came from...we're actually about to the point where our cable might go away. if it weren't for discovery, history channel, noggin, and the occasional ball game, it would have gone away long ago.

And that, my friends, is why you can't buy cable by the channel. 'Cause NO ONE would spend the same kind of money they do now in buying the ESPN Ocho channels individually. Please.

Happy first day of the rest of your life

2006-01-01T19:03:00.000-06:00

It was a lovely day here in the Midwest. A freaky 60 degrees.

The best part of our day was the long-awaited visit of J&K from VA. THANK YOU for coming to visit - it was really wonderful to see you both. I miss you so. Let's keep in better touch this year. Life is too damn short to lose touch with those you care about...let us know if anything new pops up. :)

I've decided to post a pix of my two great loves - what would I ever do without them?

After working on this blog for awhile, I may add more...

2006 already...

2005-12-31T21:37:00.000-06:00

We celebrated Christmas with Chee's fam today. Nana Abuelo Sis - it was really a nice day. Mikey and L joined us. Great way to enjoy the day. Little hassle, no drama. Just food, laughter, mimosas and gifts. Very nice.

Chee and I are staying in tonight. Watching a movie - maybe turning on the tube near the end of day to check out the state of Dick Clark. We're not just staying in 'cause of S, altho that is majority of the reason. Neither one of us wants to hang with a bunch of strangers in a smoky, crowded bar. Maybe we're getting old; or smart; depends on your point of view. 'Course, we're not desperately seeking or playing at partying. Not that either is bad - I've certainly been in both spots. Just fits us better to hang with the one we love, is all.

Here's wishing much love and happy to all out there. My "wants' for 2006 - Love for my singles who are wishing and hoping and trying and praying (each in their own way). Health for all my fam; love to (and for) my sis and her kids; happy busy for my Kev; nothing but good love for Neighbor Mike; satisfaction, stability and great sex(!)for L, T and Camel; joy to my Chee and S. I love you all so much -- thanks for being in my life.

Here's to an excellent new year.
Make your own beauty.

Unnerving

2005-12-30T21:06:00.000-06:00

Same night, different subject...You know what is unnerving? Looking through a friggin' year of digi pix and finding maybe, oh, 15 of you. TOTAL. I'm not talking about the just the good ones, I'm talking TOTAL. All I wanted was one cute photo of me alone. None. NONE. SO sad. I need to figure out the timer on my camera, obviously.

When I'm always on the photographer end, it's a little disconcerting to see a life without me in it. Lots of my girl and hubbie. But he has the bad habit of taking pix of inanimate objects in nature - rocks, plants, skyscapes, ruins, landmarks. Our honeymoon photos have more pix of dead trees than of me. *sigh* I know he loves me, but I think I need to press this issue. Just a little. I didn't think it bothered me so much. Ah, the minor issues that raise their heads when you aren't looking...